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Post Loving You

When it comes to love, your kind of religion would not understand. But my kind of religion would. We share the same religion, why is it our way of life is different?

I told you, that I liked you. I told you that I cared about you more than you think I do. You said, I should not lead this kind of life, that I will not be blessed. But you never said that you hate me, for liking you.

I did not get the wrong idea, it was not my intention to pursue this feeling in the beginning, I truly understand that what I want, is not what you want. But aren't you being too cruel? Like, cutting ties with me?

Somehow, I felt like I judged you wrong. I expected more from you. I thought that, you were gonna be more kind in handling me. I felt like, I have been loving the wrong person this whole time.

And then, I realized that I actually loved someone else. They have the same face as you, but it was not you. I suddenly come to terms that, I have been loving the version of you, that I my self created. Perfect you. 

By then, I blamed you little less. It was my fault that I surround my whole world around you. It was me. I created the monster my self.

Still, I was hoping that you would be my hero, to take my hand and says its okay to be like this. I need you right now.  It wasn't like me, to place my hope for anyone else, but I truly need you.

I still think, you out of all people, the one who hurt me the most, are the one that I need for comfort.

Even though I should be in the post loving you, my feeling did not change at all. Loving you is the most peculiar thing I have ever been into. Only God knows why.

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